a recent comment made me remember that I have this site.......

and because i know no one reads it, i can let off some emotion.... Dealing with a long goodbye is somewhat easy when it's your grandparents you're saying goodbye to. Once they get to a certain age you just understand that each visit very well could be the last. You may tear up as you leave, but you know they've had a good long life and that we all have to leave this world behind at some point. It's not so easy when a disease takes away a loved one before you're ready to let them go. Dad was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer just before Thanksgiving last year. He's a 67 year old man who's disliked doctors his whole life, and therefore avoided them. I can't recall him going to the doctor when I was growing up. That continued well into his years, obviously, when I learned that the first time he got a colonoscopy was when he'd already had blood in his stool for 4 months, and the bowel movements became rarer. scans showed it had spread to his liver and lungs. doctors gave him 4-24 months. with chemo treatment, the latter was more likely. but Dad held off on the chemo treatment, preferring to do everything through natural means. He changed his diet and began losing weight. He began having regular bowel movements, and there hasn't been any blood in his stool. However the spots on his liver and lungs have spread. About a week or two ago he finally began his chemo pill. Hoping for the best. Leaving him this Christmas was difficult. He broke down as we left and it made me even more afraid for him. I can't stand thinking of him being scared to die like this, especially when I'm so far away that I can't be there, in person, to help. To spend time with him. To make sure that there is no doubt how much we mean to each other.

New Cat

So we got another cat yesterday. He's still a kitten, but he's not in that tiny ball of fur phase anymore. His name is Tobias, the kids are calling him Toby.

He's cute, but he hates being alone and so he yowls every time he's put away anywhere...and this morning, when we were all up and about, we checked on him in the downstairs bathroom, and he was like a monkey in a zoo, with poop flung all over the bathroom. The top of the toilet seat was smeared with feces, litter was all over the floor, mixing in with the water he had spilled from his bowl...I think he slept in the sink last night...good grief our house isn't big enough for 3 kids and 3 pets.

Like High School All Over

The basketball league I'm playing in at work isn't going too well for my team. 1st off, I think our team's chemistry really sucks. There's a lot of complainers, and it comes mostly from people who deserve the complaints just as much as anyone else.

There is something psychologically wrong with me. This is the only explanation I have to excuse my poor shooting this season. I've played in tons of pickup games where I've been just as good a shooter as anyone else on the floor. I'll even drive the ball to the hoop (something I never did in high school). During warm ups, I can drain 3 pointers like they were the cure to a horrible disease I've contracted.

But throw up a scoreboard and pull out the stat sheets, and my confidence takes a dive and suddenly I can't make an open shot.

All season long I've been able to counter that by being our team's best defender (yeah, I'm tooting my horn here, but it's true). I tend to pick up their best guards, and I've done a good job keeping them from getting the ball, or staying in front of them so that they don't really have a shot when the do have it. I've also done well handling the ball and making smart passes.

Yesterday, though, my confidence was really shaken. Despite inflating my ego by hitting nearly all my warm up shots (and I took a lot) the 3 missed shots I took were so off I didn't bother looking for another. My defense was okay at best, and I certainly wasn't the only one who let a few 3's go over my head, but it was the bad passes I made that really had me questioning whether I deserved to be on the court. It was High School all over again.

When I play the pickup games, or the one on one games with buddies, I'm out there to have fun and I'm relaxed...When it's an organized game with officials and scorekeepers on the clock, I'm nervous about the game all day long...I KNOW this is the reason I'm playing poorly. I'm too wound up and worried about not playing well. When it's a pickup game or one on one, I'm relaxed and don't care about the outcome and so my shots fall and I'm more aggressive...But I cannot get myself to feel the same about these league games...Cannot figure it out.

Update on Brianna

Since my last post was about her...she is still in the hospital. The doctors are keeping her in a coma so that she can continue to heal, and it looks positive that she will get better, but she will require a few more operations.

Hopefully they can bring her out of this soon and that the family can be whole again.

Pray for strangers

A little girl that plays soccer with my daughter was hospitalized with a staph infection that made it into her heart. She's currently in ICU. Whether you're religious or not, please send some good vibrations toward her and her family and let's all hope and pray for a full recovery for this child.

Her name is Brianna

Russia is our enemy Part 2

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7592541.stm

The next great war will involve them and China on one side, and the US and EU on the other.

2007? That was an awesome year for blogging!

I feel wasteful. 2008 was a little better. Perhaps I can rebound with a vengeance in 2009.

Anyway, enjoy the linked article regarding Russia's continued attempts for WWIII:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123378027003448977.html



*something isn't working here*

Somebody wants to punch you

Updates

My brother's fiancee has 7 weeks left of her pregnancy. I am very stoked to become an uncle again.

I would love it even more to become a daddy again, but those hopes fade with each passing month.

My wife and I both turned 30 this year, and we were wanting to be finished having children by this time, so that when our kids are all out of the house, enjoying their college careers on my dime, Julie and I can start blowing their inheritance on European trips and Caribbean getaways.

I have no new pictures to post right now. This was just filler to get the Dark Knight post off the top.

Dark Knight Review (holy crap!)

Saw the Dark Knight movie Sunday afternoon, at 2:00. The movie theater was packed even then, and I understand why. This movie shot up to one of my favorite movies ever, and not because it was a Batman movie (but that didn't hurt). Had this been a movie about Bob the vigilante cop and his psychotic enemy, Roger, this movie would have still kicked ass.

Christian Bale is now one of my favorite box office draws. I now want to see movies just because he's in it.

Ledger's performance was amazing. I really couldn't even tell it was Ledger. The look, the voice, everything was so completely the Joker that it may as well have been the Joker himself, jumped out of the pages of the comics, auditioning for this role and winning out.

It sucks that the Joker was kept alive at the end, because if they ever tried to bring him back in any subsequent Batman movies now, I don't think anyone could do him justice the way Ledger did.

Harvey Dent's character went through the transition from DA to Two Face nicely, but (spoiler alert) the end where he's contemplating killing the kid I thought seemed a little to quick to madness. Revenge against those who had destroyed his life I understand, but to include the kid I thought was a bit overmuch.

Holy Crap I want to see this movie again.

Nostalgia

Found this link:

http://www.prepsportswear.com/ProductList.aspx?schoolid=173567&category=9

and seeing my old HS's ancient Trojan logo brings bad some feelings of nostalgia. However, My school hasn't existed for a couple of years now. It consolidated with two others a few years back, and a new mascot has been adopted, et al.

oh well.

mmmelted

Frosted Flakes makes for a decent Dinner

Although, an hour or so later you might be really hungry again.

The dog I'm dog-sitting while everyone is out of town woke me up at 5:00 a.m. today, whining and crying to go out.

I let him out, walk him across the street to the park area to pee. He does nothing. I walked him around for 5 minutes, and he did nothing.

Back inside I try to go back to sleep. Dog keeps whining...I can hear him through my bedroom door.

I let him out again. Same thing.

I feed him some, hoping that will help him go. He eats and a little later he's begging to go out again. I let him out. Nothing.

2 hours later he's whining really loudly. I half expected him to piss/crap on the floor. I was in a foul mood (unable to go back to sleep) and could have used a better reason to yell at the dumb beast.

I let him out he finally goes. I feel like crap though because I didn't sleep well as it is, and getting up at 5 after going to bed a midnight really wasn't my plan.

Last Night's Dinner

So last night I had to fend for myself. Instead of going out, I did the sensible thing and went grocery shopping. I didn't go the the expensive grocery store, because I know my wife wouldn't want me to. Instead I went to H-E-B. I bought non-store brand foods. Campbells, Freschetta, Dreyers Fruit Bars.

These are the best by the way. I promise you you'll be addicted after just one.



Dole has pretty good ones too.

Dinner last night ended up being Corn Beef and Hash. Not very healthy. Don't think tonight will be any better. Velveeta Shells and Cheese!

*Crickets*

The house is empty once more, save for two dogs, and a broke down 30 year old.

The wife and kids have begun their 3 week summer travels, with stops in Denver and Gunnison, Colorado, before they head to Chicago, Newton/Olney, Thomson, Illinois.

They left yesterday, and the evening was already a lonely one.

My evening walk with the dogs was quick, as we hurried around the block, hoping to get in before the storm hit, pursued by our cat Pumpkin. She walks with us at night.

Eh, I don't update nearly enough, but I really want to

I'm tired of the bad news showing up too. So I'll just quickly start off with this: My dad's brother did lose his battle with cancer as we expected, and we lost him in July. Granddad, my dad's dad, is needing surgery on his gall bladder, and no one is optimistic he'll survive the recovery. This has been an off year for us.

I am contemplating a job change. Doing work very similar to what I'm doing now, just minus the burden of long-term travel and it's in-house. The pay and location are way better. Plus I already know the team, and one of them is one of my best friends. David took me under his wing and mentored me when I showed up as an 18 year-old private at Fort Hood. He had only been in a year before me, but had his college degree. Sometimes he's more of a big brother to me than my own is, though I wouldn't trade my bro for anything; but David has been looking out for me and my career for a number of years. I've never asked him for help, but he's always been willing to help out anyway, and he's been great.

One of my greater fears might be emerging....and it's more or less a petty fear.
My kids aren't doing well with school. I wasn't the greatest student, I don't think, when I was younger. However, my brother taught me to read before I entered kindergarden, as well as to count to 99. So, dealing with a child in the first grade who has trouble reading has been frustrating to say the least. Having trouble with math I can understand....math sucks. But by first grade, I would have thought she'd be a little further along.

Her younger sister is having trouble with everything. She's about to enter kindergarden next year, and can't figure out the difference between numbers and letters. She just learned how to spell her name, but only because we went over it and over it in a sing-song way. She has Hannah Montana's music catalog down, but can't get her name right.

Sometimes I wonder if their issue is for lack of effort. They seemed so bright earlier, but I fear I'm doomed to have kids who will struggle in school. Unless they're taking after me. I was an average student until the 7th grade...then something clicked and I never had any problems with school until college.

My oldest finished a soccer tournament today. She scored another goal, and seems to have the talent to be a good soccer player the older she gets, but she doesn't seem to give her best all the time.

Alright....I feel bad for raggin' on my kids now, so I'll just post some pictures of them.

Bad news really blows

Man. This has really been a bad year. I got an email from my mom about two weeks ago, with a family update. My Uncle Clyde had died. Uncle Clyde was my grandmother's last remaining sibling, she lost her other brother, Uncle Lou, a long while ago. Uncle Clyde was great. Whenever I would visit my grandparents in Newton, he would drive an hour down from Marshall, just to see us. Or he would make it a point to call, just to talk for a bit. Great man who loved his family, all of it. It's a sad shame that no one made it to his funeral to pay their last respects. I'm 1100 miles away, and swamped at work, not a good excuse, but his own grandson thought it was more important to go to a gun show than to attend. There weren't enough relatives in attendance for pall bearers, so my cousin told me.

The same email told me that my Uncle Jim, grandma's oldest son, my dad's oldest brother, has now become paralyzed from the waist down due to his cancer. He won't last the year.

Also in the email, Grandad is getting worse (this same grandma's husband). He was in the hospital a while ago because he couldn't breathe. Spent about a week there, and is now back home, but tells my dad that he's ready for all this suffering to end. That's rough to hear.

I'm a little drunk tonight. Second time in two nights. Before this, I hadn't been drunk since 4th of July last year. The reason though, is not celebratory. Yesterday I got a call from my mom, telling me that a really good friend of mine was found dead in her bathtub, from an epileptic seizure.

Megan was an angel. We knew each other all through school, it was hard not to with a school so small, but when I was a tiny freshman in high school, Megan befriended me for some reason. She was a grade ahead of me, but she included me when groups of people would go out. For 3 years we were close.

She would always say to me, at the end of the day, "I love you, Brent"; to which I'd arrogantly reply, complete with cocky grin, "I know."

When she graduated, I finally replied with an "I love you too." She had become one of my best friends, but after she graduated, she moved away, and I didn't see her much after that. We'd chat every now and then, but after my graduation I left for the military, and lost touch with many of my old school friends.

Occasionally I'd see her during my visits home, and we'd hug and catch up on old times, but that was it. Still, the pain of losing an old friend somehow feels no different than if we had remained close up to now.

Goodbye, Megan.

yup. A new entry.

So i suck and should never have signed on to a blog. I disappoint my loyal fan each day I never update.

2007 has sucked this year.

It began sucking when my daughter fell at the table, slamming her tiny 5 year old chin down onto the tabletop, splitting it open. I can tolerate many things....seeing my kids bleed is not one of them, sad to say. Nevertheless, I stopped the bleeding and took her to the ER and sat with her while they put in 3 pretty blue stitches.

2 weeks later my wife slices her hand opening a can of potatoes. She should have gone to the ER for stitches, but was too stubborn. Well I wasn't having that...the next morning I showed her!

I decided that it was time for another round of kidney stones (my 3rd go around in my young 28 years). All 3 times I have had them, having them get stuck while moving through me has hurt waaaaaaaay more than actually pissing them out. This one was the mother-effing-armageddon-like-meteor of kidney stones! I was in so much pain when it began passing from my kidney to the bladder that I was bawling and puking at the same time, writhing around on the floor while my kids watched, terrified.

I should have called the ambulance and sent them to their rooms.

Instead, we drive them to my in-law's, drop them off, and my wife and I go on to the ER (all of these things happened on the weekend) and I wait, in knife-twisting-in-my-belly agony for 2 freaking hours before they got me into a room and drugged me up. After that I was fine...passed it about a week later.

My wife had her hand looked at, but still opted out of getting stitches. But hahahaha she got her tetanus shot the next day.

Not to be outdone, though, my wife plots her one-uppance. She targets her retaliation when I'm at my weakest. The family is nailed by a nasty bout of fluish cold. I'm aching from head to toe, sore throat, cough...terrible stuff. Juicing up with the vitamin C and multisimptom cold medicine....all of us are....well come to find out that my wife is hypersensitive to these medicines. Normally she only takes half dosages anyway, because any more and she feels......off. But we were in bad shape....so she takes normal dosages, and her body reacts as if she's overdosed.....so at 5 a.m. we're trucking to the ER once again! They flush her out and send her home 7 hours later.

Well by now my other kids are feeling left out. So at my oldest's first soccer practice, a couple of weeks later, my son decides to get run over by a hefty 8 year-old, fracturing his collarbone in the process. GOAL!

My middle kid better not even think of getting sick this year.

And so I leave you with this, your moment of Zen.

Update

this is just to get the Sausage salute off the top. Carry on.

A Salute to Sausage!

I am going back to New Braunfels this weekend to celebrate me some sausage.

http://www.wurstfest.com/

I get to eat some sausage on a stick, get a meat kabob, and have me some real Germane beer. I might just slide down the big blow up slide in a potato sack again. My only hope is that my son, Garrick, goes easy on himself. Last weekend the little dude was rocking out to some live polka and fell, smacking his head on a table in the big tent. About 20 minutes later he does this again. About 30 minutes later it does it again, only this time he splits his lip too. Poor guy had to have had a bad headache that day. Next day we stayed snug inside the lakehouse, as the weather was crispy, and my son fell against another table and re-opened his lip. Later that night, he fell down the last 3 steps of our staircase, bouncing his battered noggin off the last one before coming to land on the ground floor.

Here are your 2006 Polka winners.



I have not worn my new hat all that much. I'm sure it feels inadequate compared to my last one, RIP. I saw my last one at the lakehouse last weekend....I tried to fix it again, just didn't look right.

Today is my wife's birthday! I got her gift at lunch. Got her some tennis outfits and spent over $200 on it. yeesh. And last night's dinner cost $150. And tonights dinner/movie will be about $30. I don't remember what I got for my birthday this year.



Ziggy Zoggy, Ziggy Zoggy Oi! Oi! Oi! Ziggy Zoggy, Ziggy Zoggy Oi! Oi! Oi!