a recent comment made me remember that I have this site.......

and because i know no one reads it, i can let off some emotion.... Dealing with a long goodbye is somewhat easy when it's your grandparents you're saying goodbye to. Once they get to a certain age you just understand that each visit very well could be the last. You may tear up as you leave, but you know they've had a good long life and that we all have to leave this world behind at some point. It's not so easy when a disease takes away a loved one before you're ready to let them go. Dad was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer just before Thanksgiving last year. He's a 67 year old man who's disliked doctors his whole life, and therefore avoided them. I can't recall him going to the doctor when I was growing up. That continued well into his years, obviously, when I learned that the first time he got a colonoscopy was when he'd already had blood in his stool for 4 months, and the bowel movements became rarer. scans showed it had spread to his liver and lungs. doctors gave him 4-24 months. with chemo treatment, the latter was more likely. but Dad held off on the chemo treatment, preferring to do everything through natural means. He changed his diet and began losing weight. He began having regular bowel movements, and there hasn't been any blood in his stool. However the spots on his liver and lungs have spread. About a week or two ago he finally began his chemo pill. Hoping for the best. Leaving him this Christmas was difficult. He broke down as we left and it made me even more afraid for him. I can't stand thinking of him being scared to die like this, especially when I'm so far away that I can't be there, in person, to help. To spend time with him. To make sure that there is no doubt how much we mean to each other.

New Cat

So we got another cat yesterday. He's still a kitten, but he's not in that tiny ball of fur phase anymore. His name is Tobias, the kids are calling him Toby.

He's cute, but he hates being alone and so he yowls every time he's put away anywhere...and this morning, when we were all up and about, we checked on him in the downstairs bathroom, and he was like a monkey in a zoo, with poop flung all over the bathroom. The top of the toilet seat was smeared with feces, litter was all over the floor, mixing in with the water he had spilled from his bowl...I think he slept in the sink last night...good grief our house isn't big enough for 3 kids and 3 pets.

Like High School All Over

The basketball league I'm playing in at work isn't going too well for my team. 1st off, I think our team's chemistry really sucks. There's a lot of complainers, and it comes mostly from people who deserve the complaints just as much as anyone else.

There is something psychologically wrong with me. This is the only explanation I have to excuse my poor shooting this season. I've played in tons of pickup games where I've been just as good a shooter as anyone else on the floor. I'll even drive the ball to the hoop (something I never did in high school). During warm ups, I can drain 3 pointers like they were the cure to a horrible disease I've contracted.

But throw up a scoreboard and pull out the stat sheets, and my confidence takes a dive and suddenly I can't make an open shot.

All season long I've been able to counter that by being our team's best defender (yeah, I'm tooting my horn here, but it's true). I tend to pick up their best guards, and I've done a good job keeping them from getting the ball, or staying in front of them so that they don't really have a shot when the do have it. I've also done well handling the ball and making smart passes.

Yesterday, though, my confidence was really shaken. Despite inflating my ego by hitting nearly all my warm up shots (and I took a lot) the 3 missed shots I took were so off I didn't bother looking for another. My defense was okay at best, and I certainly wasn't the only one who let a few 3's go over my head, but it was the bad passes I made that really had me questioning whether I deserved to be on the court. It was High School all over again.

When I play the pickup games, or the one on one games with buddies, I'm out there to have fun and I'm relaxed...When it's an organized game with officials and scorekeepers on the clock, I'm nervous about the game all day long...I KNOW this is the reason I'm playing poorly. I'm too wound up and worried about not playing well. When it's a pickup game or one on one, I'm relaxed and don't care about the outcome and so my shots fall and I'm more aggressive...But I cannot get myself to feel the same about these league games...Cannot figure it out.

Update on Brianna

Since my last post was about her...she is still in the hospital. The doctors are keeping her in a coma so that she can continue to heal, and it looks positive that she will get better, but she will require a few more operations.

Hopefully they can bring her out of this soon and that the family can be whole again.

Pray for strangers

A little girl that plays soccer with my daughter was hospitalized with a staph infection that made it into her heart. She's currently in ICU. Whether you're religious or not, please send some good vibrations toward her and her family and let's all hope and pray for a full recovery for this child.

Her name is Brianna

Russia is our enemy Part 2

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7592541.stm

The next great war will involve them and China on one side, and the US and EU on the other.

2007? That was an awesome year for blogging!

I feel wasteful. 2008 was a little better. Perhaps I can rebound with a vengeance in 2009.

Anyway, enjoy the linked article regarding Russia's continued attempts for WWIII:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123378027003448977.html



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